I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
