Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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