Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
