There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
