My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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