Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
we should paint friendship bongs
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