so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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