3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
