Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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