I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
