she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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