she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
