Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
