Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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