You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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