I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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