when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
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