I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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