i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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