I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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