it's like iHOP with fire
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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