That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
pray to the hookup gods
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
