i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
