i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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