Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
