I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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