I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
