just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
