I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
My liver just had a heart attack.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
