She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
