Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
