I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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