i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In other news, I just burned my penis
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
