The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Randomize
