I'm lost and stupid without you.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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