I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
