I think i peed on brittanys purse
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
