i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
