Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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