I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
