It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
