I showed him my bush... on skype.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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