I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
