I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
