So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
