Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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