Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
