I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
