Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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