Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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