Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
