There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
