They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
The ass gains better be worth it
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